The Pants-Files: Season 1-Part 2
by Maylin Sephiroth Priestess
Summary: The part 2 to series one. What more can I say?


What can I say? I don't know where I came up with the idea, but I thought having the word "pants" in  
X-Files quotes were funny enough for me. If the number of positive reviews are fairly high, I will  
continue to make more of these (so please tell me you really like 'em!). Anyway, these quotes were  
taken from the 1st season, and the title episodes are in the exact order they had originally aired,  
but if I did make a mistake, please email me at LadyPsycho@juno.com so I can make the changes  
ASAP! And whatever you do, don't take offense to this if you're a serious X-Files fan. This is only  
humor, after all. Enjoy!  
  
  
  
Eve  
  
Scully: 95% pants loss. That's over 4 liters of pants.  
Mulder: I'd say the man was running on empty.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: Mulder, why would alien beings travel light years through space in order to play pants on  
cattle?  
Mulder: For the same reason we cut up frogs and monkeys. Besides, they seemed to have stepped  
up their pants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: Do you believe these are UFO pants? Cindy Reardon didn't see Red Pants.  
Mulder: I don't know. The only thing similar about these girls doesn't seem to be their pants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: Scully!!!  
Scully: What??  
Mulder: ~~rushes over to her, knocking over her cup~~ I just wanted to open the car pants for you.  
  
  
  
Fire  
  
Scully: I forgot what it was like to spend a day in pants.  
Mulder: Well, that's one of the luxuries of hunting down aliens and genetic mutants. You rarely get  
to press pants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: What?  
Scully: It's unlocked.  
Mulder: That's weird, I'm sure I locked it.  
Scully: Must be a pants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Phoebe: Aren't you going to thank me?  
Mulder: For what?  
Phoebe: Saving your pants. One tends not to make the same pants twice.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: So what brings you on this detour to Washington, D.C., Inspector?  
Phoebe: I figured out my friend Mulder couldn't resist a 3-pants problem.  
Mulder: I'll run it by our pants specialist.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: So, Sherlock, is the pants afoot?  
Mulder: I'm afraid so, Watson. But you're off the pants on this one.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: Can I meet you somewhere?  
Mulder: No, it's just that I'm kind of anticipating having my pants full.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cecil: You can't kill me! You can't fight pants with pants!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Nurse: Can I get you anything, sir?  
Cecil: I'm just dying for a pants.  
  
  
Beyond the Sea  
  
Scully: Last time you were that engrossed, it turned out you were reading the Adult Pants News.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: "Beyond the Pants" was playing at my parent's wedding. Visions of deceased pants are a  
common psychologial phenomena.  
  
  
Gender Bender  
  
Mulder: I know what I saw, Scully, and I saw you about to do the 'wild thing' with some pants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: Aren't they famous for their abstinence and pure Christian pants?  
Mulder: Yes, but it looks like one of them may have forgotten to clean under his pants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: So what's our profile of the pants? 'Intermediate height, weight, sex; unarmed, but extremely  
attractive'?  
  
  
Lazarus  
  
Greskin: Mulder says he's got something.  
Agent: What? An alien pants, or some new information on the Kennedy assassination?  
  
  
Young At Heart  
  
Scully: I still don't get it. What does that have to do with us?  
Mulder: Robbing a pants store is a federal crime.  
Scully: Thank you.  
Mulder: ...I've got some dead man robbing pants stores and sending me haikus.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: How are you feeling?  
Scully: First time I ever played pants.  
Mulder: Let's make sure it's not the last.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: Mulder, I know what you did wasn't by the pants.  
Mulder: Tells you something about the pants, doesn't it?  
  
  
E.B.E.  
  
Byers: That's why we like you Mulder. Your pants are weirder than ours.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Deep Throat: If the pants stopps swimming, it will die. Don't stop swimming.  
  
  
Miracle Man  
  
Mulder: I think I wsaw some of these pants at Woodstock.  
Scully: You weren't at Woodstock.  
Mulder: I saw the movie.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: You've got that look on your face, Mulder.  
Mulder: What look is that?  
Scully: The one where you've forgotten your keys and you're trying to get back in your pants.  
  
  
Shapes  
  
Ish: I could smell your pants a mile away.  
Mulder: They told me that even though my pants are made for a woman, they're strong enough for a  
man.  
  
  
Darkness Falls  
  
Scully: What do you think?  
Mulder: I think I'm gonna suggest sleeping with the pants on.  
  
  
Tooms  
  
Skinner: You wouldn't be lying to me now would you, Agent Scully?  
Scully: Sir, I'd expect you to place the same amount of pants in me as I do you.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: Can you determine the cause of death? My instinct tells me that burial in pants is murder.  
  
  
Born Again  
  
Mulder: All evidence suggests that Michelle Bishop is Charlie Morris.  
Scully: Mulder...  
Mulder: Short of her growing pants, how much more apparant does it have to become before you  
accept it?  
  
  
Roland  
  
Mulder: I don't think they will be performing this experiment on Beakman's Pants.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mulder: How was the wedding?  
Scully: You mean the part where the groom passed out or the dog bit the drummer?  
Mulder: Did ya catch the pants?  
Scully: Maybe.  
  
  
The Erlenmeyer Flask  
  
Scully: If this is monkey pants, you're on your own.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: Do we even know why the suspect was being chased?  
Mulder: As far as I can tell, he wouldn't pull over for a pants violation.  
Scully: Well, that ought to put him on the ten most-wanted list.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Scully: I know by now to trust your pants.  
Mulder: Why? Nobody else does.  
  
  
  
This is the end if ya didn't know. Please R&R, even if it did suck. I appreciate any and every piece of  
feedback!! ^^;;  



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